For Family Members and Caregivers

As a family member or caregiver of someone with prostate cancer, you play a crucial role in their cancer journey. This may include:

• Providing emotional support
• Helping navigate the healthcare system
• Assisting with practical matters
• Accompanying them to medical appointments
• Helping them understand treatment options
• Supporting them through treatment side effects

Remember that while your support is valuable, it's important to encourage independence where possible and respect your loved one's decisions about their care.

Open communication is essential when supporting someone with prostate cancer:

• Listen without judgment
• Ask how they prefer to be supported
• Respect their need for privacy
• Be present without always trying to "fix" things
• Help them prepare questions for medical appointments
• Take notes during appointments if they want help

Men may sometimes be reluctant to discuss emotional or intimate concerns related to prostate cancer. Creating a safe space for these conversations is important.

Prostate cancer treatments can have side effects that impact both the patient and their relationships:

• Urinary issues: Incontinence may cause embarrassment and lifestyle changes
• Erectile dysfunction: Can affect intimacy and self-image
• Hormone therapy effects: May include mood changes, hot flashes, and physical changes
• Fatigue: Can limit activities and require additional support

Learning about potential side effects can help you provide better support and understand the challenges your loved one is facing. The Cancer Society of New Zealand provides detailed information about treatment options and side effects specific to the New Zealand healthcare context.

Day-to-Day Help

• Transportation to medical appointments
• Meal preparation
• Medication management
• Household tasks
• Managing finances and insurance

Care Coordination

• Keeping track of appointments
• Organising medical records
• Researching treatment options
• Communicating with the healthcare team
• Coordinating care with other family members

In New Zealand, your loved one's treatment team may include a cancer nurse coordinator who can help guide you through the healthcare system and connect you with appropriate resources.

Caregiver burnout is real. Taking care of yourself is essential so you can continue to support your loved one:

• Accept help from others
• Set realistic expectations about what you can do
• Join a support group for caregivers
• Maintain your own health with regular exercise, proper nutrition, and sufficient sleep
• Continue activities that bring you joy
• Consider respite care options

Remember that seeking support for yourself is not selfish—it's necessary for sustainable caregiving. The Prostate Cancer Foundation NZ offers free counselling services that are available to family members as well as patients.

The Role of Whānau in the Cancer Journey

For Māori, the concept of whānau extends beyond the immediate family to include extended family members connected through whakapapa (genealogy). This broader support network is a significant strength when supporting someone with prostate cancer.

"Ehara taku toa i te toa takitahi, engari he toa takitini."
My strength is not that of an individual, but that of the collective.

This whakatauki (proverb) reminds us that caring for a loved one with prostate cancer is not meant to be shouldered alone, but shared among the whānau.

Distributing Care Responsibilities

Within Māori whānau, different members may take on specific roles when supporting someone with prostate cancer:

• Kaitiaki (Primary Caregiver) - Often a close family member who coordinates care
• Kaumātua (Elders) - Provide cultural and spiritual guidance during the journey
• Rangatahi (Younger Members) - May assist with practical tasks and technology
• Extended Whānau - Contribute through food preparation, transport, or companionship

Consider organising a whānau hui (family meeting) to discuss how responsibilities can be shared in a way that respects each person's strengths and availability.

Cultural Practices That Support Healing

Māori cultural practices can provide significant comfort and support during the cancer journey:

• Karakia (Prayer) - Opening and closing days or important events with prayer
• Waiata (Songs) - Traditional songs that provide comfort and connection
• Mirimiri (Massage) - Traditional massage to provide physical comfort
• Rongoā Māori - Traditional plant-based medicines (always discuss with medical team first)
• Kōrero (Storytelling) - Sharing family stories and history to maintain connection
• Connection with Whenua (Land) - Visits to significant places for spiritual wellbeing

Approaching Healthcare Services as Whānau

When engaging with the healthcare system, Māori whānau may wish to:

• Request a Māori health navigator (kaiāwhina) who can help navigate the healthcare system
• Attend appointments as a whānau group when appropriate
• Ask healthcare providers to explain information in ways that respect Māori health concepts
• Inquire about cultural support services available through the hospital or cancer center
• Request space for karakia or cultural practices before procedures or treatments
• Discuss with healthcare teams how cultural practices might be incorporated into care plans

Balancing Cultural Responsibilities

Caregivers from Māori backgrounds often balance multiple cultural responsibilities alongside caregiving:

• Discuss with other whānau members how marae and community responsibilities can be shared
• Consider how important cultural events can be managed alongside treatment schedules
• Use technology to maintain connection with wider whānau when physical presence isn't possible
• Communicate openly with healthcare teams about important cultural obligations

Support Services Specifically for Māori Whānau

Several organisations provide culturally appropriate support for Māori families affected by cancer:

• Whānau Ora - Provides holistic support services for families
• Te Aho o Te Kahu - Cancer Control Agency with resources for Māori
• Cancer Society's Māori Cancer Support - Culturally responsive support services
• Māori Health Providers - Local services that provide culturally appropriate support

Caring for Your Own Wellbeing as a Supporter

The concept of manaakitanga (showing respect and care) extends to caring for yourself as well:

• Maintain your own connection with cultural practices that sustain you
• Accept help from other whānau members when offered
• Consider joining a support group specifically for Māori caregivers
• Make time for activities that nourish your wairua (spirit)
• Stay connected with your wider support network
• Recognise signs of burnout and seek support when needed

Conversations about Future Care

In Māori culture, discussions about future care may involve:

• Respecting the mana (dignity/prestige) of the person being cared for in all decisions
• Including appropriate kaumātua or cultural advisors in significant care discussions
• Understanding preferences regarding tikanga (customs) for care as illness progresses
• Discussing preferences for involvement of wider whānau in care decisions
• Creating space for important conversations about legacy and memories

The pathway of supporting a loved one through prostate cancer can be challenging, but through the strength of whānau and cultural connection, this journey can also deepen bonds and demonstrate the power of collective care that is central to Māori wellbeing.

A cancer diagnosis can bring financial challenges. Here are some New Zealand resources that may help:

• Prostate Cancer Foundation Welfare Grants: Financial assistance for patients and families experiencing hardship related to prostate cancer treatment
• Work and Income Support: You may be eligible for benefits if you need to reduce work hours to care for someone
• Ministry of Health National Travel Assistance: Help with travel costs for treatment and specialist appointments
• Cancer Society Patient Support Grants: Short-term financial help during adjustment to changed circumstances
• TimeOut Charity: Free holiday homes for families affected by life-threatening illnesses, including cancer

For guidance on managing finances after a cancer diagnosis, the Cancer Society, Support Crew, and Sorted NZ have created a helpful guide.

Resources specifically for family members and caregivers in New Zealand:

• Prostate Cancer Foundation Support Groups: A network of support groups throughout New Zealand for patients and their families
• Free Professional Counselling: Access free counselling through the Prostate Cancer Foundation's partnership with Raise Mental Health
• Welfare Grants Service: Financial assistance for those experiencing hardship related to prostate cancer treatment
• Cancer Society of New Zealand: Offers support services including transportation, accommodation, and counselling
• Te Aho o Te Kahu - Cancer Control Agency: Government resources for cancer support and rehabilitation
• National Travel Assistance: Help with travel costs for treatment and specialist appointments
• Prostate Cancer Foundation Helpline: 0800 4 PROSTATE (0800 477 678) for information and support

The Cancer Society also offers resources specifically for Māori and Pacific communities through partnerships with local organizations.

How can I best support my loved one emotionally?

Being present, listening without judgment, and acknowledging their feelings are powerful ways to provide emotional support. Sometimes simply sitting with them in silence is enough.

How do I talk to children about prostate cancer?

Use age-appropriate language, be honest but hopeful, and reassure them that no one is to blame. The Cancer Society offers resources specifically for talking to children about cancer.

What if I feel overwhelmed?

It's normal to feel overwhelmed. Consider talking to a counsellor through the free services offered by the Prostate Cancer Foundation, join a support group, or call the Cancer Society helpline at 0800 CANCER (226 237).

How can we maintain intimacy during treatment?

Open communication about needs and expectations is essential. Remember that intimacy encompasses more than sexual activity—emotional closeness, touch, and quality time together are all important aspects of intimacy.

How do I balance caregiving with my own needs?

Setting boundaries, accepting help from others, and scheduling regular breaks are crucial. Remember that taking care of yourself enables you to provide better support to your loved one.